ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
