I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
