Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
