my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
