if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
