Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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