Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
