I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize