wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
