kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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