Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
