just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
