well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
