worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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