somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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