I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
