my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
