Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
