i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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