i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
