Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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