I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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