currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
