I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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