I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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