i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
