Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
