When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
