PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
