You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
