It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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