she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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