Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
