Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
