Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
