On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
