If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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