K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
