im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
