With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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