proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize