I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize