ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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