not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
