I should be sponsored by Trojan
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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