Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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