I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
