I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
