I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
