Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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