Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
