Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
