I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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