i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
