You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
