Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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