my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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