I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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