You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
