he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
