at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
