I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
