I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
