sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
