I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
