he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
