One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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