I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
