you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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