Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
