she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The air was thick with penises
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
