I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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