I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
