i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
