They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
