as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
