The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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