Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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