he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
