i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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