Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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