I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
