He passed out mid-signature
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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