She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
whose ass print is on the piano?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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