man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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