We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
