He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize