I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
