i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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