does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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