I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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