Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
