Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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