Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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