My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wear drunk well.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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