we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
