May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
