I can tuck mytits in my pants
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will pee on everything he values.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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