I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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