Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize