at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
