im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I checked into jail on foursquare
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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