Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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