At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
